Eventually, we got to talking about the YMCA, a place he frequents, and a recent experience he had in the locker room.
"I'm scarred for life," he says.
The father in me instantly jumped to thoughts of molestation and criminal sexual conduct cases of years past (NOT at the Y, just cases in general. I used to cover the police beat, wrote about a lot of ghoulish crimes.)
"What happened? Someone touch you?"
"No!" he said. "Remember? ... Mr. Johnson?"
And then it clicked. I remembered the day he came home from the Y and told he how, while in the locker room, he got a good look at the man. A real good look. The full monty, if you will. And while his name wasn't really Johnson (I've changed the name to protect the innocent) there was definitely a johnson involved. And he was one of the boy's teachers.
This, of course, prompted a discussion about "back in the day."
I remember my freshman year at Hill-Murray high school, after gym class, running into the locker room, undressing -- along all the other freshman boys -- down to nothing and heading into the showers. Yes, it felt a little weird. But everything feels weird in high school, and we were all boys. After a few gym classes, it didn't feel weird anymore. It was just gym, just showers, just a bunch of boys.
Today, though? Modesty has reached unprecedented levels. It's gotten so different from when I was kid that I'm not even sure sometimes what to do in my own house. Obviously I'm not allowed within 100 yards of my daughter's room when the door is closed. But now it's almost the same with my son.
"It's just a body, dude," I told him this morning. "We're all just guys, we all got the same junk ... In theory. When you're in the locker room, it's a guys' room, a place where guys can be guys, where you can walk around naked with the comfort of knowing, underneath it all, we're all the same."
Well ... My breakfast table wisdom prompted only a nervous grin and a look that told me, "Dad, no matter what you say about guys walking around naked with other guys being a cool thing to do, it's just not how we do things in the post-1985 era."
The times, they are a'changin'.
Maybe your son is having some insecurities at his age with his own body. He is young. Maybe he is comparing himself to others. That is perfectly normal. When he saw Mr. Johnson... maybe his junk was huge or he had no pubes. Some guys shave their pubes off. Maybe he saw something that he hadn't seen. Maybe the guy had dyed his pubes. Who knows... that is normal. Nudity is Nudity. Once you see a penis, the whole package of a man... you have seen it all. It is OK.
ReplyDeleteIt is the same with boobs. It doesn't freak me out. The locker room that I was at recently. everyone was so comfortable as adult women being in the nude. I thought it was cool. Some of us were showering and the others were putting their work out clothes on or changing, but they could talk to you. Look you in the eyes and talk to you as you were changing or getting dressed.
I walked right out the shower, the towel barely covering my body, at first I felt a little uncomfortable.. because everyone else was standing there in the nude talking to each other, but it got better. I freely took the towel off and went to my locker. An elderly woman was talking to me. She was getting dress as well. She asked me to rub some lotion on her back and I did. She rubbed lotion on my back too. I was standing there butt naked in front of her. It was nothing weird. It was being comfortable as women in our skin.
I love women of all shapes and sizes who are comfortable in their skin and not feeling this shame or insecurities.
I am been in other locker rooms where the energy is negative. People are afraid to talk to each other or even look over because for some reason they are afraid to see boobs or whatever. We are adult women. WE come in all shapes and sizes.
I have big boobs and I am curvy woman. I have some stretch marks too, it is OK. We are all at the gym to try to be healthier or keep fit! We come in all shapes and sizes. Love your body! :) WE all are Beautiful! Be kind to others. :)
I agree with your son. Yeah it's a guy's locker room, but there's no reason for guys to walk around naked in there. They only have to get naked long enough to change - and sometimes even getting totally naked isn't necessary. I have to admit I've been "scarred for life" a couple times myself in the men's locker room. In fact I've started avoiding it at the Y, not because I'm locker-room shy, but because I don't want to be sick at my stomach for the rest of the day.
ReplyDeleteWow. You need help.
DeleteI think that if a guy can't tolerate other guys' nudity in proper places (lockerroom, showerroom) he should not go in such places. I simply don't understand shyness and awkwardness among other men, unless you have some physical, sexual, mental unsecurities. Our sons should grow up, indeed: what a shameful generation we have made .. :-/
ReplyDeleteI have no problem changing in the pool area. But I have mver showered nude in communal showers. You just dont want to be seen as a perv walking around nude when everyone else has a towel on
ReplyDeleteThe older guys have no problem with locker room nudity, the young ones do. It was different before the 1980s, now you are a perv if you are naked for more than 2 seconds. For us older guys, it's no big deal, that's the way we were brought up, nude swimming, nude in the locker rooms, and it's still that way with my basketball group, we are completely cool with it. If you don't want to see naked guys, don't go into locker rooms.
ReplyDeleteThe way things are with boys/young men these days is really sad. I remember the first time I ever had to shower after gym class at school after 7th grade PE. Was I embarrassed the first time? Yes, we ALL were. I remember looking around the locker room at all the other guys standing around in their underwear putting off getting naked as long as we could...but after that first day, I'm not sure that any of us ever even thought about it again. And I actually think it contributed to a comradery amongst us, especially after sports practice. None of us ever thought that there was anything "sexual" going on at all...in fact, some of the boyish antics that went on in the locker room would probably be thought of today as something "perverted", but it was just boys goofing off and being comfortable with themselves.
ReplyDeleteIt's really sad that these attitudes have changed, and quite frankly, I feel, to the detriment of boys/young men these days.
I'm 33. When I was in high school, changing and showering wasn't that weird but looking back I could see where things were beginning to change. After college I became a high school wrestling coach and u could definitely see the change in most of the guys in the locker room. Not so much with my wrestlers, prob BC of their weigh ins and the sexualness of wrestling in general, but with a lot of the other guys. Like I said, it wasn't as strange when I was in high school for some dudes, but u could see it happening. I think my confidence was from growing up naked in the locker rooms with my father and his teams from the time I was a baby. I was so use to men being naked together I never knew anything different. And in my opinion, thank god!!!
ReplyDeleteOh, and if anyone wants to chat ever, feel free to email me. Nickjacob28@yahoo.com
ReplyDelete